Wednesday, August 22, 2007: fat days are over!
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
today i was having a fat day again, and i was staring at the mirror at myself and despising myself for not having a skinny enough body and not being able to fit into some of the clothes that i could early in the year. yesterday my boss's mother was at the cafe and she was commenting on how actually my legs were quite big but my arms were skinny (she said 其实你的脚很大zhi leh 但是为什么你的手那么瘦?) and i was trying to defend myself, saying how i used to go swimming and thats why i had muscles and they were becoming flabby cos its winter and i havent been going swimming, just to make me look better and skinnier in her eyes.
i dont understand why sometimes i get so unconfident in the way i look. i wish sometimes i had a high metabolism rate or i have small bones, just so that i can look smaller, or even shorter, so that even if i were chubby i would be chubby cute, not chubby big.
i guess over the years i have become less ignorant of my misplace of confidence and not let it affect me as much as it used to. i have come a long way. but today, today was a bad day.
but the still small voice in my ear questioned, "where
does your confidence lie?" and instantly i was reminded of jer 17:7-8. "But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him."
the still small voice also comforted me, saying,
"For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well."
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness."
and i felt slightly better after that, knowing that even if the world hated how i look, God still love who i am because He created me in His own image (:
a shout of praise.
4:27 PM
